Abandoned robin's nest beneath our house

Abandoned robin's nest beneath our house

Each time we begin a new project or relationship, the opportunities for self-discovery and spiritual illumination occur.  We discover ways we limit ourselves, ways we cling to expectations, ways we remain in old grooves, refusing to change.

This 365 day blog with its promise of “opening the door and going outside” for an entire year has already taught me so much.  I can’t believe how the simple act of committing to a new discipline can swing wide the doors of our awareness and increase understanding.

First, there’s the challenge of actually opening the door and going outside each day.  This has actually been one of the easier parts of the commitment.  (Although we’re expecting frigid temperatures to soar in from the north later this week; will it be possible to actually enjoy spending time outdoors when the temperature hovers below zero?  Stay tuned to find out!)

Some things I have learned in the past three weeks:  you can’t please everyone.  This is a simple statement which of course may seem obvious to many.  Yet the significance of this has come clear to me through this blog.  Some people like pictures.  Others like words.  Some people enjoy factual reporting and informative posts; others like the spiritual connections and spider-web understandings.  Some people enjoy the rambling missives which relate to we humans; others solely prefer discussions of nature.  Some want flowery visual sense-filled words; others want practical words.  What’s a writer to do?  How do you please every one of your friends and relatives?

In other blogs, with audiences of similar interests (such as gaia.com)  it’s easy to comply to what appeals to the majority.  In this blog, I’ve finally had to return to my own inner guidance.  To not rely on what “others” want.  To relinquish control; to simply express what the Outdoors in conjunction with the Deepest Self  teaches on a each day.  To get out of my own way, my own desire to control.  To share what Nature wants to share; not necessarily what Kathy wants to share.  This lesson has continually been drummed in. 

I’ve also had to let go of a desire for readership.  This has never been a concern in other blogs; I was surprised at the ferocity of the desire to have readership.  It rocked me off balance.  Why this sudden concern about readership, and why did it matter?

At first, readers of this blog spiked to 70-80 readers a day.  Now it’s down to about 30 hits.  And you know what?  Letting go of the ego’s desire for readership has been so fulfilling.  There’s a peace which seems to be building.  I am feeling so grateful to every one of you who stop by:  my parents, my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, brothers, Gaia friends, local friends, random drop-ins.  My heart is actually swelling in gratitude for whoever stops by to read and participate.   (fill in the blanks with your name; I’m thinking of so many of you fondly right now and wanting to type out everyone’s names….at least 30 of you wonderful people….and wanting to thank all of you so much for your presence in my life…)   

I can also now imagine feeling perfectly happy if no one reads…..an imagination which wasn’t possible a week ago.  This is my own personal commitment, something I need to do, and it ultimately doesn’t matter about readership.  What a vital lesson to remember again and again!  The peace that is re-appearing with this realization is lovely.  I feel quite humbled to have experienced this lesson.  How many times do we keep looking outside of ourselves for validation, rather than returning to the center, to the personal truths we already know?

Today I walked down to the Eagle Pond.  It felt so warm at 22 degrees.  Who could imagine the tropical feeling one gets at 22 degrees when the wind isn’t blowing?  However, on the return trip, up the road, the wind blew fiercely.  My cheeks felt frozen and red and I longed to get home, fast.  Barry was out fishing.  It’s been his third trip in a row with no fish.  He said he’ll be in counseling if he doesn’t catch a fish soon.  🙂

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