Abandoned robin's nest beneath our house
Each time we begin a new project or relationship, the opportunities for self-discovery and spiritual illumination occur. We discover ways we limit ourselves, ways we cling to expectations, ways we remain in old grooves, refusing to change.
This 365 day blog with its promise of “opening the door and going outside” for an entire year has already taught me so much. I can’t believe how the simple act of committing to a new discipline can swing wide the doors of our awareness and increase understanding.
First, there’s the challenge of actually opening the door and going outside each day. This has actually been one of the easier parts of the commitment. (Although we’re expecting frigid temperatures to soar in from the north later this week; will it be possible to actually enjoy spending time outdoors when the temperature hovers below zero? Stay tuned to find out!)
Some things I have learned in the past three weeks: you can’t please everyone. This is a simple statement which of course may seem obvious to many. Yet the significance of this has come clear to me through this blog. Some people like pictures. Others like words. Some people enjoy factual reporting and informative posts; others like the spiritual connections and spider-web understandings. Some people enjoy the rambling missives which relate to we humans; others solely prefer discussions of nature. Some want flowery visual sense-filled words; others want practical words. What’s a writer to do? How do you please every one of your friends and relatives?
In other blogs, with audiences of similar interests (such as gaia.com) it’s easy to comply to what appeals to the majority. In this blog, I’ve finally had to return to my own inner guidance. To not rely on what “others” want. To relinquish control; to simply express what the Outdoors in conjunction with the Deepest Self teaches on a each day. To get out of my own way, my own desire to control. To share what Nature wants to share; not necessarily what Kathy wants to share. This lesson has continually been drummed in.
I’ve also had to let go of a desire for readership. This has never been a concern in other blogs; I was surprised at the ferocity of the desire to have readership. It rocked me off balance. Why this sudden concern about readership, and why did it matter?
At first, readers of this blog spiked to 70-80 readers a day. Now it’s down to about 30 hits. And you know what? Letting go of the ego’s desire for readership has been so fulfilling. There’s a peace which seems to be building. I am feeling so grateful to every one of you who stop by: my parents, my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, brothers, Gaia friends, local friends, random drop-ins. My heart is actually swelling in gratitude for whoever stops by to read and participate. (fill in the blanks with your name; I’m thinking of so many of you fondly right now and wanting to type out everyone’s names….at least 30 of you wonderful people….and wanting to thank all of you so much for your presence in my life…)
I can also now imagine feeling perfectly happy if no one reads…..an imagination which wasn’t possible a week ago. This is my own personal commitment, something I need to do, and it ultimately doesn’t matter about readership. What a vital lesson to remember again and again! The peace that is re-appearing with this realization is lovely. I feel quite humbled to have experienced this lesson. How many times do we keep looking outside of ourselves for validation, rather than returning to the center, to the personal truths we already know?
Today I walked down to the Eagle Pond. It felt so warm at 22 degrees. Who could imagine the tropical feeling one gets at 22 degrees when the wind isn’t blowing? However, on the return trip, up the road, the wind blew fiercely. My cheeks felt frozen and red and I longed to get home, fast. Barry was out fishing. It’s been his third trip in a row with no fish. He said he’ll be in counseling if he doesn’t catch a fish soon. 
6 comments
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January 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Michael
Nice post. I think almost every blogger who is not trying to earn a living from blogging feels or has felt what you describe.
I know I tried the stick to one subject, keep it short, cute, funny, light, ad nauseam, and I too found it just is not me. I am not one dimensional.
You are searching for your blog voice, and you will find it. You will also find the amount of regular readers you have after a time is the perfect number.
Michael
January 12, 2009 at 7:53 am
centria
Michael, thank you SO much. You have summarized it exactly right. I appreciate your insights very much this morning. It is true: I am searching for my blog voice, at least in respect to this current blog. It’s not arrived yet. Or maybe it’s slowly arriving…. And you’re also very wise; the regular readers WILL be the perfect number. This comment has meant so much to me! Kathy
January 12, 2009 at 12:26 pm
treehousejukebox
I’m just here to read whatever you want to share – not what you think I want you to share!
January 12, 2009 at 6:33 pm
wil
Hi, I recently stumbled upon your blog…love your premise, prose, and photos!
My wife and I both work at home, and we tend to stay cooped inside far too often. It’s been a goal of ours to open that door more often and walk outside. You’re an inspiration!
And I can definitely relate to the blog-audience issue. I’ve never had much of an audience for my blog, and as I’ve slowly changed focus over the years, I know I’ve lost readers with each change…but I believe you have to stay true to yourself! For me, blogging is partly about community/sharing (with an audience…or potential audience), but it’s also a personal journal — and you don’t need an audience to maintain and enjoy a personal journal.
Cheers! I look forward to future posts!
January 13, 2009 at 7:06 pm
centria
Emma, that’s what I like about you….just what you said. I sense that it’s true: you don’t have pre-conceived expectations. Therefore, it’s a delight to share with you.
Wil, I am SO grateful to meet you. Thank you for reading! And for understanding about the blog-audience issue. You are right: it is wonderful also to view it as a personal journal. Am feeling very much better about this whole issue the last couple of days. Hope you and your wife enjoy your outdoor walks! Let me know how they go….
January 11, 2011 at 7:39 am
Elisa's Spot
I like this one. I’m laughing and peering at me now, ok so I always do that. Once in a while I whine to myself…whyyyyyyy can’t I just NOT look at myself like all of the OTHER people, dull and blah and plodding along. HA!
What a crock of ….!
Ok, so it’s not entirely a crock, depending on the day.
The longing to be allowed to be snarky, to be perfect, to be entirely fubar, and have nothing really change, the ones able to allow, still walking alongside–complete with fanfare in the cases when I do not see them with me. (parts of me are going OOOOOOOooooooooo elisa, your sorry rear is hanging out now, better delete, other parts are grinning and cheering at being expressed as all that I am)
In the end, when I settle out of the whyyyyyyyy parts though, I have become more and more content and feeling full within what others might consider narrow, as I am not required to be something that I am not at any moment. I am grateful for that. Wonder what use of praise in all of this. Company, recognition, and praise seem to be very close lovers.
Well, the taste of tea and the garlic in my breakfast are currently holding my attention more than peering at those particular lovers. If I flick tea at the web, do you think I could see it any better, or would it be oooooo look shiny?!